Tuesday, February 27, 2007

It's Time to Come Clean!

Isn't it beautiful???

Look! Sunshine! I’m so happy to see the sun. It’s been nothing but clouds here for so long. Pictures are so much prettier when they’ve got blue sky in them.

After reading yesterday’s blog post about my having a hard time getting my clothes on, City Boy has offered to help me get dressed. Oh, please, as if! Get your collective minds out of the gutter, will you? After 27 years of marriage, the man has seen my tiny hiney in all it’s dimpled glory and trust me, he’s in a bigger hurry than I am to get me properly covered.

So here’s the deal. I live on a twisty, windy little country road that has virtually no passing available. Double yellow line all the way from town.

This is the double yellow line going down the road in front of my house.

This is a double yellow line, up close, for all of you who ride bicycles.
So why on God’s green earth do these cyclists feel the need to come out here to ride their little two wheelers? Today there were a couple guys from the university out here. They actually show up quite often, wearing their little spandex WWU outfits. I’ve grown rather weary of having to follow along behind them; they take up the whole bloody road, riding side by side.

Cyclists in tight fitting spandex taking up the entire lane on my twisty, curvy doubled yellow lined road.
I’m so tired of cyclist using my tax payer dollars for their little biking enjoyment that I’ve developed a game to play with them. It’s called bowling for bicycles. Now, you could make it a simple game and just run into them from behind, but that would take the sport out of it. What you do is sneak up alongside, then open up your car door, smacking the one in the rear in the…well…rear! Send him flying far enough to knock down his buddy and mark down your score. If you’re lucky, there’ll be a whole herd of them (or are they flocks? Perhaps a gaggle; I never remember) and you can actually bowl a strike!
Now...are you ready? Here it is! Winsday!!!!
Yup, and most of you have already guessed what I'm going to be asking you. I want to know your most embarrassing moments! That's right, folks, bring it on. Come Clean! It's good for the soul...or at least for a laugh. And if it turns out you're able to not only laugh at yourself and get others to laugh along with you, you could just find yourself with a gift basket full of handmade bath and body care products valued at over $50!
Now, here's a twist you likely hadn't considered; not only will the winning entry win the grand prize, but I'll be sending out a second gift to one lucky winner who's name will be drawn from the comments that get posted! So even if you've not got the most embarrassing story, you could still win!
I'll be accepting stories all day on Winsday and Thursday...then letting you know on Friday who our winner is =) Have fun!


Little Miss Moi said...

Dear tracey. Now you have sun and I have snow! I guess that's the way it works.

My most embarrassing moment was when I worked servicing the 'all you can eat' pizza bar in a Pizza Hut restaurant. Carrying out two hot pizzas, I was running around so much that I twisted my knee, fell to the ground and threw two hot pizzas in the air. Made a tremendous crash, and about 100 sets of eyes were looking at me, on the floor, covered in two pizzas. Awfully embarrassing!

Anonymous said...

Bowling for bicycles....bwah ha!!!!! I'm working on my nerve to post my most embarrassing moment. ;0)

Sue said...

Gee, I'm gonna have to think on that one, but the reward sounds nice! The roads there are so pretty and I do understand your concern over the men in tights! lol

Connie Peterson said...

So, do we email you or put our moment in the comment area? It's MUCH WORSE than boogers!!! Let me tell you.

One moment that was embarassing that I'm not ashamed to admit.

I like to run down stairs - and usually hold on the the railing to do so --- when I was young (40) and foolish, I ran down some stairs in front of gazillions of young college students, tripped on my own two feet and slid / tumbled down half the long stairway.

As one of the young boys picked me up, I exclaimed "Oh, Dale! I fall at your feet in awe!" and got a laugh ---

But that's not the awful one!!! Should I email?

Tracey said...

Oh, but Connie...the deal is to come CLEAN...which means posting it here =) Now, honey, how bad can it be? Have we ever met you face to face? Will we ever see you at the grocery store and point at you while snickering? Noooo....that won't happen (unless you've told all your friends and neighbors about this blog, and if so, then thank you, and perhaps you better not share.) But seriously, you're among friends; we promise not to laugh AT you, we'll be laughing WITH you!

Tasha-Rose said...

When I was in high school, I was a cheerleader. My junior year at homecoming we started out wearing our regular uniforms. By halftime it was cold and raining so we were changing into our windpants and sweatshirts afte our half time performance. I didn't want to struggle in the port-o-let so I put my windpants on underneath my skirt and planned to take the skirt off over my pants. All was going well until I pulled the skirt off. My thumbs hooked EVERYTHING my skirt, my pants, my bloomers and panties and I ended up mooning all of the people in the parents section of the bleachers. I still get crap for it almost 12 years after the fact...

Trapped in the country said...

I was doing some morning surfing when I happened upon your website. Although I find some of your antics humorous, I feel your way too hard on poor city boy.

I do have an embarrassing story for you though!

I remember it was at least 25 years ago before I met my wife. I went to visit my crazy cousin in the far north. She decided I should meet her best friend’s daughter. Well as it turned out I was set up to take her to some High school football game. My dream comes true!

I do remember how impressed she was with my Black Porsche. Yes it must have been the first time she had ridden in a classy vehicle, one that was not followed by a horse trailer.

Well at least we ended up in the popular section at the game. At my school I would never be caught sitting with the county kids! I was at least comforted to find she was one of the in crowd! Well that was until the big blow as I have come to call it.

There we were sitting it the stands when I looked over to see her sniffing and snuffling. I reached into my pocket for a Kleenex, when all at once she snorted like some sort of off world alien and produced what could only be called a snot storm! I was grossed out more then you can imagine, but I would never see her after tonight after all, right?

Well thanks for the time and please be nicer to city boy. After all with out him, who would cook for you!

Tracey said...

Um...that story sounds vaguely familiar... But I thought your most embarrassing moment was when you were caught with a bar of Irish Hussy? I mean...Spring?

Oh, and thanks for breakfast, City Boy =)

JoeinVegas said...

Oh come on, admit it, you like riding behind those tight spandex painted butts.

Dixie said...

I love the idea of the bowling for bikers! How about pedestrians who refuse to get out of the road? Can I use this idea on them??

Most embarrasing moment:

Junior High. P.E. They were teaching us to bowl. (of all things) Since it wasn't a very physical activity, they did not make us 'dress out'. One day I was wearing a blue jean skirt, skin tight of corse, with a small split in the back for a little wiggle room. Well I went to take my turn to bowl and slipped when I let go of the ball. When I stood up, still looking down the lane at my ball, I gave everyone behind me, which was my entire class, a great look at my bare butt. (I had just found the fabulousness that is a g-string.) When I slipped, my skirt ripped from the split all the way up to the waist of the skirt.

Embarassing? Yes. But I got to go home, so that was a plus!

Rachelle said...

Tracey, I love the idea of Bowling for Bikers - we used to call it door slamming and we gave ourselves points if we knocked them clean off the road... okay we did it to grouse not bikers. We got many a yummy dinner that way.

My most embarrassing moment is so hard to pick.... I have so many of them. Mulitple entries allowed? Hmmm, okay how about this one...

Back to the old high school days again. I was in PE, right before lunch of course. I had this huge crush on one of the 'in' guys, who just happened to have 4th period free and was studying in the bleachers that day... Back then I was even smaller than I am now (yes beleive me I was).

Through the years I have discovered that tall people don't look down when they walk and if I didn't move out of the way quick enough, I'd get walked on...

Well, the focus of our day that day was volleyball. Such a fun sport, forget the ball, I was dodging people who were looking UP at the ball. There I was in my shorts and loose t-shirt (tight t-shirt? - not a chance), trying to participate but more worried about being plowed into the freshly waxed gym floor... When good old Troy (all 6 feet 5 inches of him) hits me from behind, sending me sliding across that floor, arms out, legs spread, toes fighting for purchase, straight into the bottom bleacher... Right below THE guy.

I laid there crying with my shirt around my ears waiting til someone took pity on me and helped me up. (Okay I was a little dizzy from the knock on the noggin I had recieved from the bleachers - deadly things those bleachers) Everyone was laughing and I guess they loved my new purple lace bra. I had gym floor burns up my whole front side and on my chin and a nice bump on my forehead...And wouldn't you know it, the nurse on duty that day was a male, who took one look and called for paramedics... Lunch time was spent getting treated by two very good looking (they had to be good looking of course) EMT's who did thier best not to laugh when it was explained to them just exactly HOW I got road (gym floor) rash on my legs, stomach, chest, and chin.

And the guy, well he was too busy laughing to ask if I was okay... For weeks everytime he passed me in the hallway he'd laugh. On the good side, the burns kept me out of PE for a week.

I have many more such moments, but I think that's enough for now.

Tracey said...

Y'know...boogers just don't sound so bad anymore, lol! You guys have got some great stories...keep 'em coming! (And trust me, I'm laughing WITH you, not at you!)

Shannon said...

This is all I can think of right now.
I went out to the pasture to catch one of my horses. We have a gate that is really hard to unlock and I was moving a colt that wasn't very well mannered. I figured if I just propped the gate shut it would save me alot of hassle. The gate was staying just fine, so I walked over to my 2 suspicious horses. They went into the outdoor barn stall leaving a big poopy, muddy pit between me and them. I had my mud boots on though and slowly started to make my way to them. Something caught my mares eye, so I looked too, the gate had started to swing open. In a flash both horses ran by me, I tried to move and did a face plant in the poop, mud. As I tried to get up, it covered me more. And of course instead of sticking around both horses took off up to the road and I had to run around trying to catch them. People driving by saw me and stooped to help. I finally had to call my husband for help, he was with a bunch of his friends and they all came. It took about 45 mins to catch the horses. Then I had to tell everyone how they got out.

PEA said...

I gotta play that bowling for bicycles...LOL Love it!!! Hmmmm I've had so many embarassing moments, which one do I pick? lol Ok here's one....

I knew I was going shopping at the mall in the city the next day so that night I put curlers in my hair and made sure I had some nice clothes to wear. The next morning I spiffied myself up and was quite satisfied that I looked good...hair nicely curled, makeup on just right, clothes that looked good on me, etc. I decided to stop at the drive thru at Tim Horton's donut shop and ordered a hot chocolate to drink on the way to the city. Fast forward to the mall...I'm noticing people looking at me...hmmm they ALL seem to be looking at me and I figure, hey I MUST look really good:-) A few hours later I get home, rushing to go for a pee...as I'm washing my hands I look in the mirror...I have a huge blob of hot chocolate on my nose and a curler in my hair that I had forgotten to remove. Yup I sure looked good! LOL xoxo

kansasrose said...

I was in college... young and VERY naive and had a new summer job at a steakhouse...There was a super hot guy who was a cook in the kitchen and when I went back to pick up some orders he was standing over a big huge tray of the ugliest things I had ever seen...naively I said "crap those are ugly...what are THEY? Do people EAT THOSE THINGS?" He got this evil grin on his face and said "ya really wanna know blondie? They are BULL BALLS and yes...people EAT THEM" He laughed and a few other men that were working in the kitchen laughed too. I turned about 6 shades of red... Learning curve.

Anonymous said...

E, you've seen it before but I'm going to copy and paste it from the soap forum so more of the world can see it.:0)

After my grandma (my Bible reading, never missed a day of church in her life and I'm certain never spoke let alone heard a curse word) had her stroke she needed around the clock care. To give my mom a break we would take her on the weekends. Our bedroom is on the main level and the guest rooms are upstairs. I couldn't take a chance of her getting up and falling (especially down the stairs) so she had to sleep in the laundry room, on a fold out bed, so I could hear her if she got up.

One night I get her tucked in and tell her good night. At that time in her life she slept a lot....where ever... I stepped into the bathroom to get ready for bed (I left the door opened a crack and I could hear her snoring so I knew she was asleep). Stripped down to nothing so I could jump in the tub and I hear the automatic cat litter get stuck. We keep it in the laundry room tucked in under the counter not to far from where my grandma was sleeping. In fact it wasn't to far from her head. I'm no fool, I throw on a long shirt (to cover myself up), enter the laundry room, bend over and start fixing the litter box. That's when I hear "I think you'd better put some pants on." I gave my dear grandma a birds eye view and more information than my gynecologist has a right to know. I shoot up straight, spin around and all I can think of to say is "Oh Grandma! I mooned ya didn't I?".


Connie Peterson said...

All right -- here goes!! Deep breath ...

When I was in college, my periods were excessively heavy - I wore tampons AND pads and tried not to go too far from a bathroom where I could change at a moment's notice.

I went to a play with my boyfriend, feeling that my (normally) weeklong period was almost done, so I felt safe. All of a sudden, I felt a let-down and swoosh that I should NOT have felt in public! I sat there, trying to figure out exactly what to do. I convinced my boyfriend (don't remember how) to let us be the last ones out, then I put my coat around my waist and scurried as much as humanly possible back to the dorm to change everything!!

As I left the theater, I looked at my seat - fortunately the seats were maroon so the stain was just dark and wet!!

I had a difficult time going back to that theater and going even close to that seat!!!

I am so grateful that only a few years after I graduated, the theater was torn down and a new one was built. Was it because of a mysterious stain on one seat that wouldn't come clean????

(Blushing with shame after 45 years!)

Tracey said...

Now you see, Connie, that wasn't so hard! And what's more, it's not so bad. I suspect all us girls have had days like that...especially menopausal days! If it helps make you feel any better, someone just told me about her friend who'd been grocery shopping when she had a huge menopausal let down...all the way down to the floor! Now, that's embarrassing...

Anonymous said...

I don't really embarass easily, you can't living with the ultimate prankster that I call my husband. But when I had my total hysterectomy, I vaguely remember after the surgery one of the nurses asking me how I felt, I told her I felt like I just got my first period and didn't know what was going to happen next. Well little did I know that they pack you during surgery....yes, the next morning I had to be ummm, unpacked by my very cute gyno..and what made it worse was the fact that we were raised in the same city.
p.s. He is no longer my gyno.