Evil Empires and SUVs

I’m sitting here drinking my hot chocolate this morning from City Boy’s coffee cup. It’s one he got from work, and up until now I’ve never used it. No particular reason, it’s just that it’s his. I really like the color, and it’s one of those big, soup bowl kinda cups, you know? It’d probably be wonderful with chowder in it. It was just too tempting this morning, so I had to fill it up with my super extra heaping spoonfuls of chocolate.

The mug, aside from having a lovely cobalt color and wonderful shape, has the logo of City Boy’s employer on it…the Evil Empire! Why would my dear husband work for an evil empire? Well, because the pay is good, silly! The Empire is actually Tesoro, where they refine crude oil into gasoline so the rest of us can go zoom zoom zoom in our little (and not so little) cars and trucks, warming up the planet as we go. Yes…City Boy works for one of those monstrous refineries responsible for global warming (oh my!) Just imagine how cold you’d be if it weren’t for the Evil Empire! So while you sit there freezing your hiney’s off this winter in sub-freezing weather, you can think of City Boy and his job, and please send the thank you’s to me here, I’ll pass them along to him and the rest of the little evil weevils that work there.

And while we’re on the subject, the more you drive, the warmer it will get out there, so hop into those farm trucks and your SUV’s and drive around the block a time or two. Not only will that help with the heat issue, but it’ll keep City Boy employed!

Speaking of SUV’s, I really miss mine. My Sheep Utility Vehicle, that is. Oh, sure, I can pop the sheep into the bed of a pick up and call it an SUV, but there was something special about driving around with sheep in the back of your Volvo station wagon. Truly, there was! Okay, the sheep burps were a bit much. If you’ve never smelled one, consider yourself fortunate. If you think your husbands farts after eating potato salad are bad, let me assure you they’re not. I’d rather smell those than have a sheep put her face up alongside mine while I’m driving down the freeway and belch. Sheep, after all, are ruminants, and they’re always spitting their food back up from their stomachs in the form of cud to chew again. I love my sheep, but burps are one thing I could do without.

So why is it I’d miss driving with them in my SUV? Simply because of all the looks we’d get going down the road, dearies! I mean, the trip through the drive-thru windows were priceless. “Would you like a doggie bone?” “Um, no thank you, it’s a sheep” “No, it’s a dog bone” “Yes, I understand that, but this is a sheep.” Then of course the sheep would baaa (or belch) and grab the attention of the drive thru attendant, who’d scream, and every employee would come running to see what was wrong. We’d wait a good five minutes for everyone to inspect the dog, and of course they’d come to the conclusion that it indeed was not a dog and certainly couldn’t have a doggie bone. In the meantime, all the people lined up behind us and those inside would be wondering what in the world was going on. It always made for an amusing little outing.

My chocolate is now empty, so I'd better get ready to take on the day. Think I'll take a long, pointless drive and do my part to increase global warming :)