Farm Girl Spa

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Farm Girl Spa

I know several of you long for the country life, and I must admit it’s pretty darned intoxicating some days. Fresh air, a slower pace…it’s what all you city folks dream of, right? And naturally, without the grit and grime that comes with your polluted city air, those of us out in the country (past the city limit sign) will have healthier bodies and skin.

Today is your lucky day, as I’m about to give you a very intimate peek into my life. You’ll gain insight as to how a farm girl such as myself keeps that healthy, youthful glow that keeps City Boy coming back for more punishment.

Getting up early is the first step to a healthy country life. The old saying “Early To Bed, Early To Rise” must have had its roots on the farm. Morning most definitely does not break before my sleep around here. The recent time change doesn’t help; it’s dark when I rise. Perhaps you think the roosters are the alarm clock of the farm. Well, yes, but they crow all day and all night, so unless you’re one of those people who like your alarms set for 1, 3 and 5 am, I’d not recommend roosters on your farm. But yes, I do hear them crowing, as well as the neighbor’s rooster. They are obviously engaged in a crowing competition with several other roosters, as the cockadoodle doo’s are echoing up and down the valley well before dawn.

A few good stretches are essential to helping your mind get in touch with your body. Stretch, yawn, stretch. Attempt to find the bathroom in the dark without running into a wall (that may cause bruising on your pretty face; we wouldn’t want that.) Try to land your bottom square on the toilet seat (missing isn’t good, don’t ask how I know.)

No need to get dressed in anything fancy this early in the morning as the only ones who’ll see you are the farm animals, the school bus driver and a handful of dirty minded loggers going up the road. Spas would have you undress anyway and wrap yourself in a towel before beginning treatment (with the loggers and bus driver, I wouldn’t recommend this on the farm.) I prefer my flannel sheepie jammie bottoms, my silky feeling (and somewhat short, hence the bottoms) pink nightie, and an old coat to help keep the early morning chill off. I am a regular farm girl diva when I head out in the morning for my spa treatment!

The brisk morning air will fill your lungs with its natural goodness; breath deeply. It will also smack your face silly, and if the stretches and yawns hadn’t quite done their job arousing your brain, the chilly air will. Now that your brain is fully functioning, it’s time to take hay to the animals. Gather several flakes into your arms, being sure to bend at the knees as you lift. A few bits of hay will undoubtedly slip down the front of your pretty nightie, causing a bit of discomfort in the region of your bosoms. This is nothing to worry about. Farm girls know that exfoliating is good for their skin. Two or three more armloads of hay to the various critters in the barnyard are necessary to fully benefit from the experience.

The horses are the last to be fed in the morning. Carefully load yourself up with hay, then walk through the muddy paddock to the barn. As you’re walking, the suction of the mud will grab your boots and you’ll step right out of them, allowing your feet to sink into its glorious, muddy goodness. Wiggle your toes, working the mud up between them so as to experience the full, soothing benefit. Thank the good Lord above that you didn’t forget about not wearing socks to your morning pedicure. Proceed to walk to the barn barefoot, because the boots are stuck so deep in the mud and your arms are full of hay that you can’t pull them out until the horses are fed.

It’s now time to water. Put the end of the hose into a water tub; go turn on the water. Realize that the hose is about to jump out of the tub with the force of water that’s coming through, so run (barefoot, of course, because you haven’t put your boots back on) to the end of the hose. This is when the hose shoots out of the tub and sprays you with your icy cold morning shower. If you weren’t awake before, you are now. And, it helps the blood circulation. As long as you’re wet, now is the time to rinse the mud from your feet and put your boots back on.

Dripping wet, with muddy toes and hay embedded deep down inside your nightie, it is now time to head back inside. Strip down to your birthday suit in front of a mirror and pluck the wet hay off your bosoms. You are now wide awake and refreshed. Your skin is toned from the cold water, your bosoms are positively radiant after exfoliation, and your feet have had a one of a kind mud pedicure for which you didn’t have to spend hundreds of dollars on at some swanky spa. You look like a million…well, probably not a million dollars…perhaps a million pesos. Perhaps. But hey, you’re definitely awake.

Now, doesn’t this make you just want to come running on out to the country for a farm girl spa day?