A City Slicker Comes-A-Callin'....

...or...More Adventures in Dating...

It wasn’t long after the guy with the Porsche left that we heard from his crazy cousin. It seemed he’d asked her husband to let him know when the aluminum plant up here was hiring, as he’d like to get a job there. It also wasn’t long before he began sending me letters and calling me. After the incredible first date (not!), I was speechless to find he’d actually been searching for work up here and wanted to see me again.

It wasn’t long before he made the journey back up to Washington State for a job interview. This time he’d brought something a bit more sensible along with him; a pick up! Yes, a lovely red and white Chevy he’d purchased from his brother. A pick up with a hitch on the back. A pick up that could pull…yes…a horse trailer! It was at that moment that the crazy best friend’s former Porsche driving little cousin began to look interesting…

The job was offered to the little cousin, so he and his pick up stayed. Now that he was no longer a Porsche driver, he needed a new name. City Slicker seemed to fit. He’d brought a pair of boots that’d never seen a barnyard and a hat that made him look like a drugstore cowboy along with him. He’d never ridden much, but he was game to try, so I taught him how to saddle a horse and the two of us spent the next few months out on the trails and avoiding high school football games.

One such ride happened on a sunny Saturday afternoon. We’d grabbed a couple of the geldings and headed up the hill. There’d been a wind storm that week, so branches were scattered all over the trail and the horses carefully picked up their feet to avoid tripping. That was a small miracle, when you think about it, as City Slicker was riding my sister’s horse, Poco. Like my sister, he was prone to tripping over his own shadow, so the fact that he’d not fallen down on this ride was pretty amazing.

As we made our way up the trail, I could see that there was a tree down ahead. The top of a brushy alder blocked our way. Not wanting to give in and go back, I suggested that I see if there was a way around it. I dismounted and tried leading my gelding around the top of the tree through the underbrush, attempting to find good, solid footing that the City Slicker could follow along behind on. Halfway around the tree, I decided that the branches were really small enough, and Poco was tank enough to just plow on through, so that’s what I told the City Slicker to do.

Poco didn’t waste any time, bulldozing his way into the brushy tree top. About half way through the normally placid gelding made a huge lunge forward, nearly unseating the City Slicker on his back. I swear, I’d never seen Poco move so fast, but it didn’t take me long to determine the reason; BEES! Dear Lord, there was a bee’s hive buried deep down in that tree top, and Poco had just been stung and was bolting out of control up the trail.

I’m not sure which of us saw it first…I stopped breathing…City Slicker was hanging on for dear life …Poco was at a dead run towards a second fallen tree! This tree, however, was set about five feet above the ground. Poco’s head was down as he ran, he knew he could squeeze under the tree. He forgot about the saddle, and most importantly, his rider. Or perhaps he hadn’t forgotten, but just didn’t care? There was nothing stopping that spotted butt of his.

That’s when I witnessed the most amazing dismount I’ve ever seen outside a rodeo or Looney Tunes. The City Slicker pulled his feet from the stirrups, lifted himself up out of the saddle, and that horse just shot out from under him, leaving the City Slicker standing on his feet in the middle of the trail. Dumbfounded. Yes, I’m certain he was. I know I was. We watched as the saddle horn just missed being taken off by the tree as Poco galloped away.

The City Slicker turned and looked back at me. His face was ashen. But he was standing. He wondered why I’d let him ride the horse through a bee laden tree top. I said I didn’t know there’d been bees in it. My horse was dancing around, all edgy (but not stung) because Poco had taken off and left him.

It didn’t take long for Poco to realize he was alone. My horse was taller and couldn’t fit beneath the tree, so we had to wait for Poco came back, all swollen from stings. Thankfully, he wasn’t allergic, and the four of us made our way down the hill in silence.

So now I that I’d snorted snot on our first date and tried to kill him a few months later, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t ever see the crazy cousin’s little City Slicker cousin again. For most guys, you’d think that would be enough…